Mr. Piano

January 20th, 2010

Okay, I'll admit that at times I can be more than slightly delusional when it comes to dating decisions.  This is one of those times.  In the midst of seeing Mr. Atheist (we had two dates under our belts with more on the horizon) I decided I should throw in a date with someone else for posterity's sake.  I mean, I was (for some unknown reason) really starting to like him.  

I was initially interested in him because he sort of looked like the main guy from Bring It On.  Also a little Mark Ruffalo mixed in there.  Then he told me he played piano and that was just the very end.  I couldn't stop imagining our first date in a smoky lounge, him playing Jerry Lee Lewis covers and me sitting on the piano, dripping in sequins.  Did I mention that I tend to be a bit delusional?  At least I'm aware.  So ignoring the small (and completely unwarranted) ounce of guilt I had for meeting someone other than Mr. Atheist, I set a date with Mr. Piano.

First Impression:  He's late.  I'm sitting in an Italian restaurant waiting.  He walks in wearing some sort of docker-like pants, glasses, and button-down shirt.  Gives off a nerd vibe.  He has a slight tooth gap, but it doesn't really bother me.  More of a Lauren Hutton gap.  Okay, now it bothers me.

I get up to greet him and he loves my dress.  Want to know a secret?  Same exact outfit I wore on my last date with Mr. Atheist.  What?  It ain't broke.  I would also like to add that meeting for dinner was NOT my idea.  I typically do not like to commit to an activity that can last more than an hour for the first meeting.  However, my neighborhood is on his route home and he decides it's more convenient to stop and get dinner and I should join him.

Four things kill this date:

1.  First, he's a loud-talker.  Who knows, maybe he made himself deaf by playing the piano too loudly?  Whatever the reason, he speaks at an extremely annoying/embarrassing decibel level which attracts looks from other diners.  This is never a good thing for me, the serial dater, especially in my neighborhood.

2.  One of us brings up family heritage.  Normally, this is a great way to pass time.  That is until you discover that your grandfathers fought each other in WWII.  Like, were literally in the same area, on opposite sides.  Hey, my grandpa didn't want to fight!  He was captured, went temporarily blind from malnutrition and he always said, "Mussolini that sonofabitch" with tears in his eyes.  So I tell Mr. Piano that, trying to smooth things over ("Hey, they were basically on the same side!), but he just interrupts me with a harsh, "It's fine, it's fine.  It was a long time ago."  He was obviously irritated.  Sheesh.

3.  You would think mentioning that you live in Beverly Hills once would be enough.  Nope.  Not for Mr. Piano.  I'm pretty sure a good 20 minutes was dedicated to covering this topic.  Yeah, super impressed.  Especially when you say it SO LOUDLY.

4.  He takes my money.  At this point in my dating career I have not yet developed the nerve to sit still, hands folded in my lap when the bill arrives.  I politely pull out my wallet with absolutely no real intention of paying, but what does this jerk do?  Takes my money.  And dinner wasn't even my idea.  Yes, I take full responsibility for this.  Lesson learned.

Mr. Piano walks me home and I mention that I believe in the old days people would take a "constitutional" after dinner.  This is lost on him.  It then hits me that we don't have much in common and my fantasies of being a lounge singing couple are shattered.  We hug goodbye and there is no kiss to dodge.

Date #24:  Makes me like Mr. Atheist more.  Also, I miss grandpa.