Doubleheader Part 2: Mr. Cutie

December 13th, 2009

So, this date picks up where the last one left off - literally. I rush over to the same lounge where date #s 1, 2, and 4 have been. It occurs to me that the bartender there must think I am a call girl since I have been frequenting this same spot with different men all within the course of a week. I decide to think about that later.

This is also the date where I start two really bad habits: Telling the story of Mr. Astrology and flashing my switchblade. Yes, I had been showing guys my knife long before this date, but I realized that I had a problem with it at this point. I mean, that's really weird, right? Who do I think I am? One of the T-Birds?

I valet the car since there's no time and arrive (luckily) a few minutes before the guy. I wasn't really expecting much since he was the one who IMed me out of nowhere on the dating site and suggested we meet. I thought he was so-so in his pics and thought I was on a roll, so who cares.

First Impression: He wasn't really what I remembered from his pictures, but I didn't remember much, so that was fine. He was taller than I thought he would be (a good thing) and looked like your average, decent-looking white guy.

He proves himself a gentleman and buys me my gin and tonic (this dating really forces a girl to the gym with all this drinking/eating). We take a seat at a cozy little booth and the manager scolds me for putting my shoes on the white leather seat. Um, I'm sorry if I'm most comfortable sitting cross-legged (with a sweater over my lap because I never wear pants). Geez!

Then something weird happens: We have a good conversation! It was shocking and bizarre. Especially since I didn't anticipate it at all. He was funny and told interesting stories, laughed at himself in an adorable way, and seemed to think I was pretty entertaining (although, this is definitely a boy trick, so I don't take it too seriously). He buys me another drink and our 10 pm date lasts until the bar closes at 1 am (early on Sundays). During our convo I ask him about meeting people online and he says I'm only the second girl he's met and the first one was a weirdo...um, surprise! I think your second one falls into that category too (that's me)! Then he asks about me and I say I've been on two dates (a lie) and proceed to retell the horrid details of my night out at Barnes and Noble, bad kiss and all.

It's time to leave and I offer to drive him home since he walked (we both live very close by). Really, the reason I offered was because I wanted him to kiss me and how the heck are we supposed to do that while waiting for my car at valet? He declined while we were walking out, then accepted once he saw that we were in a well-lit parking lot at "goodbye" time. I drove him home and we had a really good first kiss!!! It started as a hug (don't they all?) and then he kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him lightly on his cheek, and finally, lips met!! Woo hoo! Finally, I was excited about a blind date first kiss and I wasn't totally drunk so I could definitely enjoy it. After a moment he said, "There was a lot of pressure after your story of the bad kisser" and we laughed. Oops. I need to nix that story.

We continued to make out while my car stood idle in the middle of his street. He asked if I wanted to "come up." I'm no experienced girl, but I've watched enough after-school specials to know that could quite possibly mean SEX. But he was SUCH a good kisser and his hair was baby fine and soft...so I agree and then look for parking. After a minute of driving up his street, I decide it's probably not a good idea to come up on a first date (um, duh! Someone just slap me already) and we say goodbye with talk of seeing each other after he returns from his trip East for the holidays.

We text back and forth that night (I changed my mind when I got home and I was two seconds from going BACK to his place, but we decided no). I waited (painfully) two weeks to text him and finally did so on New Year's day. He said he would be back in a few days and ring me then. He didn't. I texted him a week later and he said he was getting over a cold and had a lot of catching up to do since he returned but he would call me this week. Um...this week is almost over. Also, I can see that he logs in to his dating account daily and doesn't even look at my profile!!! I know. I have to just take a chill pill and forget him. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. I hate thisssssssssssss.

Date #6: Surprising and Sad.

Doubleheader Part 1: Mr. Too Old

December 13th, 2009

The day after Mr. Liar Pants met me with his liar looks, I had two dates back to back or what I like to call a Doubleheader. This sort of made me feel like a slut, but I'm really not. By now, I'm into the shopping mentality and my attitude is "Bring it!"

So part 1 of my doubleheader was Mr. Too Old. He was 35 (almost 10 years older than me), but that's not what made him too old. We'll get to that.

Considering myself a serial monogamist, I realized that I needed to use this time to venture outside of my "type" if only to remind myself why I stay away from Mr. Too Olds in general. He was an investment banker and Catholic (I consider myself so, and the type I go for tend to be atheists for some reason). He also posted a shirtless photo of himself on his profile which I found very stupid, but somewhat appealing (not sure why?). He was the first blind date to call me and chat on the phone a few days before the date. Sort of awkward and nothing to really talk about. Whatever.

First Impression: This guy is way older than he looked like in any of his photos! He's wearing glasses which were NOT in any of his pics. He's handsome, but his ears stick out sort of obnoxiously. He's wearing a really tight black short sleeved shirt that looks like it's expensive, but shouldn't be.

Turns out that one of his pictures is from when he was 22 (!) which is why he looked so different. Um, internet dating police?! Where are you? While I planned our 8:30 pm date to be just drinks, he ordered an appetizer, entrees, and two desserts for us. Okay...but I have another date at 10! I didn't tell him this, but I was sort of stressed about time. He talks about how he spends all of his time working and any free time working on some martial art whose name escapes me at the time. Maybe that's why you aren't meeting anyone? Not enough time for them? I tried to like him, I stared and stared at him trying to feel something. Didn't work.

Luckily, he pays the bill before I fell asleep head first in my gourmet donut dessert. Plates were cleared and he continues talking and repeating the phrase, "That's cool, that's cool." It's 9:50 pm and I say, "Are you ready?" He looks surprised and throws out, "Oh, I didn't realize you had to bone out." Okay, I understand you feel out of your element and way old, but no one says "bone out." Not even 40 year olds. Stop being so lame. I dodge a kiss (whew!) and run to my car. The next date is just two blocks from the first one and I'm cutting it close!

Date #5: Good Practice.

Classic Lines

I've decided that some of these horrible (and horribly funny) pick-up lines that I've received via internet dating site are really worth sharing. Mind you, this is ALL that their messages contained.

"Your teeth VS mine would be quite a battle. We could put it on UFC or something and take cuts from bookies after we stage it. If you wanna make some easy money on the side."

"You look a lot like my girlfriend. Dark hair, really pretty..."

"I like casual sex, how about you?"

"Don't worry, I just deleted a bunch of messages so my inbox won't be full when you start writing me every day."

"How do you feel about the semicolon?"

"What kind of purses do you like?"

"Heya, toots. How do your feet smell?"

"The Gazelle is the shittiest animal on the planet. Do they exist for any other reason other than to be pounced on and eaten by shit on the National Geographic channel?"